


Grunkle Bear AU

by gaymabelpines



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7242772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaymabelpines/pseuds/gaymabelpines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(This is..... stupid but whatever)<br/>Alright so you know one of the best Disney movies of all time- Brother Bear?? How it has a sweet found-family brotherly relationship and also deals with guilt and forgiving yourself after you did a really bad thing and also how it works with grief and also growing up?? It's one of my favorite movies and I recognized a lot of parallels between it and Gravity Falls so here goes:<br/>Ford gets turned into a bear just mere moments before he is able to meet with his distant twin brother Stan, and now shenanigans ensue. Also time-travel and surprise niblings later on. And everyone talks out their issues like responsible people.<br/>No cursing in this fic- let me know if I need to tag any triggers through the comments or my tumblr askbox (url is gaymabelpines) please!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gnomes Come A-Knocking

Stanford Pines paced his living room floor, wrapped up in all kinds of nervousness and paranoia. When did Stanley say he was going to be here again? The nervousness was eating him alive- the last time he saw his brother was when-  
He shook the memory out of his head, and continued pacing. He wished he had gotten a response back from Stan that actually included an exact time of when he would be arriving- after he had sent the post card with the hasty message of "PLEASE COME", the only response he'd gotten a few days later was written on the same postcard in red pen, saying "On my way." As much as Ford was relieved that his brother was coming here to help him, he was also wracked with fear due to several nightmares- all of them Bill's fault. Nightmares that included both world-ending scenarios and instances where various friends and family members would come bursting down his door, sickly yellow eyes and a maniacal grin plastered on their face, ready too-  
Ford stopped, shaking. There was a knock at the door. He quickly grabbed the crossbow and tensed up, ready to fight, because as much as he hoped that those dreams would only be dreams, he didn't want to be too careful.  
He loaded the bow, readied himself, and swung the door open.  
"WHO IS IT?? HAVE YOU COOoomme who knocked??" He started out yelling, but then it turned into a tiny question. There was no one at the door, and it couldn't have been some teenager pranking him- he lived in the middle of the woods, no one would do that. He looked too and fro, helpless. Had he gone round the bend? Had he just imagined the knock at the door? Has his paranoia finally gotten the best of him?  
"Hey- you. Nerd guy. Down here" spoke a shrill voice from below him. Looking down, Ford nearly started crying with relief. It was a few representatives from the local gnome colony, standing near his feet.  
"Oh, uuuhh, hello there! Can I uh, help you?" he tentatively asked, unsure if he had alienated them by the way he just answered the door- it was best to not get on the bad side of gnomes. As far as Ford knew, they didn't have any weaknesses. One of the leaders stepped up- Alex, Ford thought his name was, he wasn't sure- and began speaking:  
"We don't like you."  
So much for not alienating the gnomes.  
"I'm sorry- I'm afraid I don't understand. Could you please, uh, elaborate?" Ford asked, wincing a little. As much as he didn't like the gnomes, that comment still kind of hurt.  
"Yeah you're annoying and nosy- everyone thinks so."  
"Everyone as in everyone in the forest or everyone as in every gnome in the forest?"  
"You get what I'm saying, tall guy!" the gnome said, angry (Ford still didn't get what he was saying though- was it only the gnomes or everyone that didn't like him?),"We want you to leave Gravity Falls and quit your so-called 'research', which is just a fancy word for sticking your big orange nose in other people's business!!"  
"I-uh-well-I", Ford sputtered, a tad stung. He didn't realize he was being a nuisance to the inhabitants of the nearby woods. "Well, I have some good news for you then- I'm leaving Gravity Falls quite soon, hopefully- if things go according to plan. I just have to tidy up some..... business and I'll be out of your hair."  
"And we're not afraid to use various curses and forms of physical- wait what did you say?" the gnome said, just now processing Ford's response.  
"I'm going to leave Gravity Falls in a few months."  
"And never coming back?"  
"Hopefully, never coming back. Though Oregon is a nice state, I would like to continue my research in other parts of-"  
"Oh no, no more research."  
"I'm sorry-what?"  
"You heard me. Quit. Your. Research."  
"But-but I am!" Ford said, exasperated. The gnomes were a difficult bunch to negotiate with. "I just said that I was quitting my research of Gravity Falls, and all I did was mention that I wish to move it to perhaps a different part of Oregon! What- do you want me to quit my research altogether? Should I just- throw my doctorate out the window?"  
"Actually, yes- that was exactly what we were hoping you'd do" the gnome responded, rather smug.  
"I'm sorry- what? Are- are you serious?"  
"Completely and utterly."  
This. Was. Ridiculous. Ford could feel the rage building up inside him, accumulated by the stress of the situation. He hadn't had the best few days- or, well, months actually- and was running purely on coffee. The gnomes also needed to leave before Stanley arrived- he didn't want them overhearing the sensitive information about the portal that resided in his basement. So, naturally, Ford exploded.  
"THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS PROPOSAL I HAVE EVER HEARD- AND MY COLLEGE THESIS WAS ABOUT THE HYPOTHETICAL EXISTENCE OF ALIENS" he bellowed, completely enraged. There was no stopping him now.  
"MY ENTIRE LIFE IS DEDICATED TO SCIENCE AND THE SCIENTIFIC EXPLORATION OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY AND THEORETICAL PHYSICS- AND YOU EXPECT ME TO THROW IT ALL AWAY BECAUSE YOU FIND ME ANNOYING. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT- AND I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE FOR YOU TO LEAVE NOW. Please," he added, as a sort of afterthought, now gaining a little bit of common sense and realizing that yelling angrily at a group of creatures that have no known weaknesses and that are also already unhappy with him was probably not the greatest idea he's ever had. He nervously tried to regain his composure, and considered apologizing for his yelling.  
The gnomes however, seemed completely unperturbed by his outburst, and just stood there looking at each other. Finally, the leader Alex shrugged and nodded, while another gnome- Shmebulok, maybe? Ford never really could keep track of their names- pulled out a vial with mysterious pink powder in it.  
"Welp, I guess you asked for it" said Alex, and he gestured towards Ford as Shmebulok opened the vial.  
"Asked for what?" Ford asked, his nervousness growing. What was that? What was it going to do to him? He didn't get time to ask these questions though, as now the gnome was busy throwing the powder onto him. In a daze of pink smoke, he felt a weird tingling throughout his body, then nothing. He nervously opened his eyes, and saw a group of confused gnomes on his doorstep. Still unsure if the magical substance did anything to him or not, he looked down.  
Of all the horrid, unspeakable things that Ford could've imagined the powder doing to him, he didn't expect to be turned into a bear.


	2. Well This is Now a Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so quick trigger warning for a gun, but nobody shoots it or gets hurt by it. It's just there for Drama Purposes(tm).

"A BEAR?? But he's supposed to be DEAD!!!"  
The gnome's shrill voice rang out over the snowy forest, as Ford just sat there in total bewilderment. Or in bear-wilderment, he mused. Oh god, he was making awful puns in the shock of what just happened.  
"By all accounts, it doesn't make sense," said another gnome. As the small gang of gnomes debated with each other whether their mysterious concoction should've killed him or put him in his currently very furry predicament, Ford hear a car coming towards them. Uh oh- apparently Stanley had arrived, and at the worst possible moment! His twin couldn't see him like this- if Ford had already started making annoying puns at his current situation, then he didn't want to imagine what kind of things Stan would come up. He'd never hear the end of this.  
The gnomes, however, were oblivious to the oncoming visitor to the house in the middle of the woods, so Ford decided to try to at least get them away from his house before he went to retrieve his journals and look for a possible antidote.  
"Um, excuse me?" he inquired, and they turned and looked at him, horrified. Yikes- what did his voice sound like as a bear? He decided to try to walk towards them with his new bear limbs.  
"Um, yes, could you very kindly go back into the woods, please. You see- I've got a very important visitor coming, and I'd like to try to find an antidote to, uh, this-" he said, while he used his head to gesture to himself, "-so if you could just please-"  
He stopped, realizing that the small creatures were cowering in front of him. However, their reaction made no sense at all!! He was being very polite to them considering the circumstances, acting like it was only a minor inconvenience instead of something awful and potentially irreversible!  
And then it hit him. Gnomes don't speak bear. Only bears speak bear.  
Now that Ford had come to that very obvious conclusion, he decided that asking politely was completely out of the question here, and settled for the next best thing- yelling.  
Taking a deep breath, he then made a humongous roar which made the gnomes respond with shrieks of fear and to scamper off into the woods, screaming about how "He's gone full bear!" and "We're gonna get eaten!" Neither of those things were true, but it did bring Ford a small amount of satisfaction to see those little nuisances get a taste of their own medicine. Happy that now they were off his front porch, Ford lumbered off into the woods of Gravity Falls in order to search for his journals, and possibly a cure to his hairy situation.  
Unbeknownst to Ford as he went into the woods, Stanley's car pulled into his driveway. 

\---------------------------------------------

Stanley had no idea what was happening anymore with his life. He looked at the run-down house in the middle of the woods that looked like something you'd find in a knock-off Steven King novel, and thought about how in the world he wound up here. Oh yeah, it was because he got a dirty postcard from his twin brother who for the ten years prior to that never made any effort to contact him after their dad gave him the boot. Well, he thought ruefully, he did ruin everything for Ford and he doesn't blame him for never wanting to see his brother again.  
Then what had Ford gotten himself into that made him want to contact the one person who ruined his life?   
Stan parked his car and got out, snow crunching underneath his boots. God, it was cold today, and he pulled his threadbare jacket closer around him as he headed towards the house.  
The house whose door was wide open.  
Oh no.   
Stan wouldn't consider himself exactly the brightest in the bunch, but he knew when something wasn't right, and an open door of a house in the middle of nowhereville whose owner had already exhibited signs of distress was probably not a good thing. He rushed over, and as he got closer he saw a strange assortment of several things; tiny footprints, some weird pink glitter, pieces of hair and-  
A torn shirt lay at his feet, along with a few other shredded articles of clothing and somehow, an intact trenchcoat. Alarms went off in his head, and he pulled out the gun he kept at his side. Where was Ford? Had something happened to him?  
Just as this thought entered through his head, he heard a distant roar in the woods, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood straight up.


	3. Here Comes Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, quick trigger warning for gun, but still- nobody gets shot. Actually, there are no major character deaths/injuries in this fic at all, just a lot of sarcasm and family bonding.

Deep in the woods of Gravity Falls, a mighty roar could be heard throughout the trees. It was deep and mighty, making the leaves on the evergreens shake, startling the birds into taking flight and scaring small mammals to scurry back into their homes. A man stood at his twin’s house, afraid of what had become of his brother, and if the source of the roar had anything to do with it.  
Meanwhile, the source of the roar had just about enough troubles in his life for one day. First off, a dream demon that was shaped like a triangle of all things had been plaguing his dreams turning them into nightmares, he had a world-ending portal in his basement, the only person he believed could help him is a brother that he had long since fallen out of contact with, and to top it all off, sentient lawn ornaments had decided to turn him into a bear. All things considered, Ford considered it to be completely logical that he was screaming right now, and the fact that he was unable to locate his journal which could hopefully detail an antidote to his furry situation.   
Ford looked back at the tree he was screaming at- wasn’t this the one? He knew that there was a “tree” out here in the woods that in reality was just a long tube of metal made to look like a tree, and that that “tree” held a lever which would open up the ground and reveal the third volume of his research within Gravity Falls. He desperately needed his journals- any one of them would do! They had to contain a solution to this curse, if only he could find one of them. He’d hid one deep in the woods, another near the Gravity Falls Elementary school, while the last one……..  
Ford felt like smacking himself. The last one was at his house to give to Stanley! How could he have been so oblivious! Heaving a great sigh, he started making his way through the woods back towards his house.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------  
Meanwhile, Stan was having the freakout of a lifetime. He was pretty sure that this was the most afraid he’s ever been in his life, and that’s including the amount of near-death experiences with the various gang members he’d managed to tick off. (Word to the wise- chewing yourself out of the trunk of a car is never a fun time). He looked around at the floor of his brothers house, worrying up a storm. Where was Ford? Had something happened to him.  
Of course something happened to him, knucklehead, a mean voice in his head said, no one leaves their door open and their clothes all torn up on the floor like that unless they had gotten hurt.   
Stan’s grip tightened on his gun, and, wary of his surroundings, knelt to look at the floor for hopefully any clue of what had happened to his twin. While looking for any drops of blood or signs of a struggle, Stan realized that he would be doing a lot of a better job of this if he actually wore his glasses. Wait- right there- he’s pretty sure he just saw something! It wasn’t blood or scuff marks from boots though, it looked more like scratch marks, as if a something with claws was struggling. Stan ran his fingers over the scratches in the wood, and noticed that the floor was covered in what seemed to be a lot of short, brown hairs and- wait, what was this? He brought his fingers closer to his face just to be sure of what it was. Turns out it was glitter- and just when he thought that this day couldn’t get any weirder.   
A twig snapped behind him. Stan stood up and whipped around, locking eyes with what looked like to be a large bear moving towards the house. The bear stood looking at him for a second, as Stan added up the weird hairs on the floor and his missing brother. Oh my god, Stan thought, Ford got eaten by a bear.   
Next thing Ford knew he was being chased after his twin brother who had a gun how did Stan even get a gun he had no idea but he didn’t want to be shot by said gun so now they’re both running back into the woods and yelling. Crashing through the underbrush, Ford didn’t even let himself catch his breath as he kept running from his brother. What was going on? He knew that he and Stanley hadn’t left on the best of terms but he didn’t believe that it still warranted Stan shooting him! Wait- why was Stan even chasing after Ford? Wasn’t Ford currently a bear? How would Stan even know that Ford was a bear? Was Stan even still behind Ford?  
Just as Ford was looking over his shoulder to see if a very angry twin brother was behind him, he felt something yank at his leg and his world was rushing by him now in a very sudden jerky movement. Waiting for everything to stop spinning due to the sudden rush of blood to his head, he looked around and with a sigh of relief, realized that Stan was nowhere to be seen. Unfortunately, he also happened to be upside down, hanging from a rudimentary trap consisting of a rope tied to a tree.  
Cursing at himself for getting himself into such a demeaning predicament, he started running through possible plans so that he wouldn’t be dangling from a tree for the rest of his natural life. Surprisingly, however, the exact solution to his problem- and several other problems- just appeared before him in a flash of blue light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha it's cliffhanger time!! :D (Don't worry, I won't leave you guys hanging for a month- I'll post the next chapter tomorrow, if everything goes according to plan.)


	4. No Stopping Mabel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick trigger warnings for vomiting (not really in detail just more so mentioned), and also food (it's just more vomit stuff, but again, not described in detail)

They flashed through various time periods including dinosaurs and a weird dystopian future featuring a giant baby, and finally crashed into the cold wet snow. Neither of them noticed this however, since they were too busy fighting.  
“Give it back Mabel!”  
“Never!! Glitter attack!!” with that exclamation, the girl then reached into her pocket and threw a handful of purple sparkles into the boy’s eyes.  
“ACK!!! Mabel- no fair!!!!” he yelled in retaliation, and soon their wrestling over what looked like to be a tape measure resumed. That is, it did until they heard a what seemed like to be a low growl coming from nearby. Slowly turning to look in the growl’s direction, the twins saw that it came from a bear that…. seemed to be hanging upside down from a tree? The boy twin quickly pulled his sister behind him, but it didn’t seem like that the bear was going to hurt him. If anything, it looked…. sad. And kinda silly hanging upside down.  
“Aaawwww Dipper look, he needs help,” the girl said, eyeing how the rope cut into the bear’s ankle.  
“Are you sure? Because usually bear traps aren’t set out for laughs- it’s usually to catch a bear.”  
“Yeah but if we don’t get them down he’ll starve to death! Just look at that face Dipper- does it look like the face of a bloodthirsty monster?” at this, Mabel pulled out her best puppy dog eyes, in an attempt to imitate what she thought the bear looked like. Dipper took a look at his sister, then back at the bear, who while they did look sad, seemed more confused than anything.  
“Yeah okay no I’m not getting eaten by a bear in- when are we? The 1600’s? That bear trap seems really simplisti- and wHAT ARE YOU DOING MABEL NO!!”  
But Mabel had already cut the rope with what seemed to be a pocket knife, and the bear had dropped themself to the ground, and was currently repostioning themself so that they sat up straight.   
“Mabel YES!!” she cried, a huge grin on her face, fists raised in the air in triumph, “There is no stopping me!!”  
“Where did you even get a pocket knife from?”  
“Grunkle Stan.”  
“Why am I not surprised.”  
Dipper eyed the bear apprehensively as they didn’t seem to want to eat the kids, they just sat there watching them with a weird look in their eyes.  
“Hey Mabel.”  
“Yeah?” she responded, moving to stand near her twin, both of them watching the bear who was also watching the twins.  
“This bear seems weird- and weirder than the normal Gravity Falls weird.”  
“They look huggable.”  
“Don’t hug the bear.”  
“I’m going to hug the bear.”  
The two were about to start arguing again when the bear suddenly started making weird chuffing noises, as if they were trying to communicate to their rescuers. Unfortunately, neither Mabel nor Dipper speak bear, so they decided to improvise.  
“They’re agreeing with me! They want a hug.”  
“Don’t hug the- aaaand you’re already hugging the bear.”  
Mabel was currently hugging the bear, her face buried in their fur, but her smile that was as big and bright as the sun was evident. The bear seemed even more confused now, but decided to indulge the girl and gave her a small pat on the head with their ginormous paw. At this, her smile grew bigger, and it even seemed as if the bear was smiling now. The bear then let out a short series of chuffs and snorts which actually started to sound sort of familiar to Dipper.  
“Wait- can you do that again please? A little slower this time?” the boy asked, and his sister pulled out of the embrace to look at him.  
The bear seemed to perk up at this, and repeated out the same series of noises, the chuffs being shorter than the snorts.   
“A single long one, that’s a T, and a series of four short ones that’s an H, and,” Dipper kept muttering to himself, then stopped with a smile as wide and bright as his twins to look at the bear “Morse code! You’re using morse code!! That’s what the noises were- you were trying to talk to us!!”  
The bear positively lit up at this, then started to chuff and snort again excitedly, as if to confirm his new friend’s theory.  
“Wait- wait, dude, slow down, I don’t know it that well- sorry,” he said, “could you please start over? And also- how do you know morse code? Because well, no offense, but you’re a bear.”  
“Yeah- and also what’s your name? Preferred pronouns? And favorite color because you’d look great in a sweater.”  
The bear looked at the two children, and began to slowly chort and snuff his way through answering all of their questions.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

“Wait, so you’re saying gnomes did this?”  
Ford nodded his head, having now told everything to the two young twins- including the year. Mabel seemed horrified that she was now existing at the same time mullets were considered fashionable, and swore that she was going to burn the first mullet she saw. Ford didn’t know what was more concerning- the fact that she had such violent tendencies to bad fashion choices or that he didn’t doubt her ability to do exactly as she said.  
“Ugh, I hate those guys! First week of summer they pretended to be my boyfriend and then tried to kidnap me to make me their queen. We live in a democracy!” Mabel said, obviously angered that the gnome colony had hurt her newfound friend.  
“Yeah, well, we know their weakness- as long as you have a working leafblower, we should be fine,” Dipper said, as he started to pull out a strange red book.  
Wait! That was Ford’s strange red book!! He started to communicate once again in morse code excitedly, explaining that was him.   
“Wait- YOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF THE JOURNALS!! Omigosh, I, I can’t believe this!! This is amazing!!! All of my summer I’ve been trying to find out who you were and- oh, ooohhh I think I’m gonna be sick,” he suddenly said, doubling over and bracing himself on a nearby tree trunk. Mabel was already at his side, patting his back as he started to vomit.  
“We’ve been using your journal 30 years in the future as sort of a field guide to Gravity Falls this summer,” Mabel explained as her twin threw up what looked like to be remnants of funnel cake and corn dogs, “it’s super cool and amazing and has so many pretty pictures and weird codes!! Dipper and I haven’t decoded them all yet- well, actually, just Dipper, he’s the smart one.”  
“I don’t think carnival food sits well with me,” he then whispered.  
“But this is so great that we’re getting to meet you!!”  
“Yeah,” said Dipper, now straightening himself, seeming to have semi-recovered from his vomiting episode, “I thought I’d never get too! The last journal entry was right around this time!!”  
Ford was shocked at this revelation. What did Dipper mean by this? What had happened to him? Oh no- was he going to be a bear forever? Panicked, he started to pry them with more questions- have they ever heard his name anywhere? What about his full name, Stanfo-  
“Stanford Pines?” the twins asked incredulously in unison, shocked, and looked at each other.  
“You- you can’t be Stanford Pines! That’s our Great Uncle Stan!” Dipper said, looking back and forth between Ford and his journal.  
“Yeah! Our Grunkle Stan doesn’t have six fingers- and he runs a weird tourist trap called the Mystery Shack in the middle of the woods!”  
Unbeknownst to the twins and the bear, the man that would be known to everyone as Stanford Pines in thirty years time was wandering through the forest, looking for his brother, the real Stanford Pines.


	5. Stan Has A Gun And It Actually Comes Into Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a sex joke- tw for shooting, eye horror (not so sure how much "horror it counts as cause this is my first time writing this), vomit, and lots of caps.

Stanley Pines was currently trekking through the deep, frozen woods of Gravity Falls, and muttering so many curse words that would even make a sailor blush. He tried to keep quiet, however, due to the fact that he was tracking a bear, of all things. If you were to ask him five years ago where he'd think he'd be, it would not be in this situation. Preferably a situation that was more tropical, with hot babes, and lots of money. But definitely not stomping through the woods, gun in hand, trying to hunt down a bear that may or may not have done something to his estranged nerdy twin brother.   
Why was he even doing this, anyway? His brother watched and did nothing as his abusive dad kicked him to the curb. (Ford was abused too, if he tried to help he could've gotten hurt also, it's survival instincts kicking in). His brother never tried to contact him all those years after he moved out. (Ford couldn't have tracked him down- he was hopping states, trying to survive). His brother only got into contact with him when he needed something, and back and forth and back and forth went Stan's train of thought, hopping between being angry at his brother and hating himself.   
Man, Stan thought to himself, I really need some therapy. Or a drink. Maybe both  
While grumbling and thinking about his crappy luck in life, however, he didn't notice that there was a thick frozen branch right underneath him. Next thing Stan knew he's falling down a snowy ravine headfirst, and then feels a sharp pain as something collides with the back of his head.   
He lay on his back for a moment, looking up at the barren tree branches and the cold, pale gray sky. The world was spinning and blurry- well, more blurry as per usual, due to Stan being stubborn to a fault and never wearing his glasses. As his vision cleared and the world seemed to get off it's merry-go-round, he realized that his head didn't hurt.   
"Oh, nooo," he groaned, and started to push himself into a sitting position. He wasn't a doctor, but even he knew that that wasn't good. He rubbed the back of his head, searching for a bump or a cut or anything. As he looked around, though, he realized something.  
"Can you go colorblind from knocking your head on a rock?," he said aloud to a quiet forest, whose previously dark green pine trees were now a shade of gray, as with the rest of the world. However, when Stan looked down at himself, he was in full color.   
"NO, THAT JUST HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE IN THE DREAMSCAPE."  
Stan got up immediately, preparing for a fight, and was confronted with a small, neon yellow triangle in a top hat and sporting one large, staring eye. It was floating in midair, skinny arms and legs dangling down, and did it........ have a bowtie?  
An alarm bell went off in Stan's head.   
"HOW YA DOIN', FEZ? NAME'S BILL CIPHER," the thing said, striking a jaunty pose and tipping it's hat.   
"Fez?" was apparently the only coherent thing Stan could say, and also the most logical thing that his brain could process within this moment- or, well, this entire day, actually.   
"IT'S A NICKNAME, SMART GUY," said Bill, moving next to Stan and slinging an arm around the man, "AND SPEAKING OF SMART GUYS, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE TRACKING DOWN THAT NERDY TWIN BROTHER OF YOURS RIGHT NOW?"  
Stan pulled away immediately, and more alarm bells went off in his head.   
"YEESH, YEESH, CALM DOWN," the triangle said, yet Stan could've sworn that it was smiling, despite it's absence of a mouth, "JUST HEAR ME OUT, FEZ."   
"I will when you tell me what you are, and what is a dream-scape," Stan retorted, and drew his gun which he prayed to Paul Bunyan would work in this strange, gray world.   
"ALRIGHT SHOOT ME!"   
"I'm sorry, what?"   
"DO IT, YOU'LL GET YOUR ANSWER."  
More alarm bells went off in Stan's head- it was basically an angel choir of alarm bells now, telling him to forget Ford, change his name, and become a salmon farmer in Alaska.  
Stan shot Bill, aiming directly for the eye. He didn't miss, but, by god, he wished he didn't look as he did, because what he saw next will probably haunt him for years to come.   
The eye had a solid, small hole right through it's center- Stan could clearly see the trees through the other end. But there was no blood, no evidence left behind that the sharp-dressed geometric being had been shot at all aside from the hole. It's hand then reached up, and grabbed the damaged eye, and ripped it clean from it's socket, leaving behind another clean-cut hole. Teeth grew from that hole. Not comical, pointy shark teeth, but human teeth. A tongue long and dripping with saliva sprang up from the bottom of the hole. It then wrapped itself around the eyeball with a bullet hole in it, pulling it inside the newly formed mouth and swallowing it hole. The triangle slowly turned back to Stan, facing him dead on, and floated silently.   
A comic pop later and an eye reappeared within the hole, as if nothing ever happened. Stan felt like he was going to vomit.   
"HHAHHAHAHA THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE!!" it laughed at him, "DON'T WORRY, FEZ, IT'S ALL FAKE! IT'S ALL A BAD DREAM!"  
"Any way to make it a good dream?" Stan questioned, frozen in the exact same position he was in when he shot Bill.   
"I'M ABOUT TO MAKE IT SO- I'M GONNA GIVE YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO TRACK DOWN SIXER AND HELP HIM OUT!!"  
A single thought went through Stan's head, clear and true-  
This guy is a con man.  
Then, another thought-  
Do not trust him.  
"What do you have to offer me?," asked Stan, putting on his most charming smile and lowering his gun. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

He woke up in the woods, a searing pain in the back of his head, vision once again blurry, world spinning around and around and around. It had started to snow a bit, quiet and gentle, small soft flakes alighting upon his face. Stan waited a moment for everything to calm down, then pushed himself into a sitting position, rubbing where his head hit some bit of the forest, efficiently knocking him out. He then looked around, making sure that the trees were still green. When he was satisfied that they were, he got up, checked his gun and made sure that it still had all of it's ammunition. The walk through the woods then resumed, the snow falling gently around as night began to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey- so sorry that I got to this so late, I promise I'm still going to finish this. I got super busy because life and stuff. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the update! I'll also probs post more fanfic after I get this chapter out, mainly Gravity Falls still but also a little bit of Adventure Zone, man I have so many ideas.


	6. Keep on Crunchin that Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will never take my chapter titles seriously

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

A cold wind blew through the evergreen trees, the only hint of color in the greys and whites of the Oregon winter. The equally grey sky above had started to release gentle, tiny snowflakes, adding to the deep snow that had provided a soft blanket to the woods.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

"Mabel, could you stop doing that for a second please?" asked Dipper. 

Mabel stopped mid-crunch, one foot in the air, ready to step deep into the snow beneath. She looked her twin brother dead in the eyes, seeing the slightly annoyed expression on both his and Bear-Ford's faces. The two boys had been looking through Dipper's version of one of Ford's research journals, trying to figure out what happened that made it so Ford disappeared and Stan stayed. While it was a very interesting mystery that definitely could lend itself to several outlandish and over-the-top theories which Mabel was more than happy to supply, the two nerds had wound up wrapped into their own conversation of possible events which did not involve alien boyfriends nor body-switching shag carpets. It's fine, though, she was fine. She could just stand around in the woods, bored, while her smart brother and their new smart grunkle could work this out. 

Mabel brought her foot down into the snow, making another satisfying Crunch. Dipper, in return, sighed. Ford snorted- but whether it was in disdain or cold she couldn't tell. 

"Dipper, there's snow," she gestured around, a tad annoyed. She did this every time there was snow, and Dipper usually joined her in making marks on the fresh white landscape, hearing the deep happy crunches that would mingle with their laughter in the cold winter air. "Since I'm kind of sort of banned from you guy's nerd talk, I'm gonna find a way to entertain myself."

"Why don't you try fixing the time machine?"

"It's not even broken, bro-bro."

"Oh, right." He turned back to their Bear-Grunkle, and the two once again became absorbed in their theories.

Mabel heaved a heavy sigh, then plopped herself down into the snow, ignoring the cold that had seemed to envelope her. Didn't Dipper notice how cold it was getting? Did Ford? She guessed that he didn't, due to his thick, fluffy, very good for hugs bear coat, but wasn't he aware that she and Dipper had a keen absence of that? She sat, musing these questions, wondering if there was any decent yarn in 1982 that she could make an impromptu sweater for Dipper with so that her brother didn't freeze to death, when she heard a Crunch.

"Mabel, I thought you stopped that," said Dipper, not looking up from the journal.

"Uh, I did."

The two nerds looked up and at Mabel, sitting in the snow. That's when they all realized something: they're in Gravity Falls, more specifically, the woods of Gravity Falls. And while the woods of Gravity Falls held great mystery, adventure, and potential nostalgia-tipped childhood escapades, it was also filled to the brim with monsters and the unknown, which might not take too kindly to children or researchers. 

Mabel stood up, and took out her grappling hook, ready to aim. Dipper closed the journal, and moved closer to his sister, standing back to back with her. Ford got on all fours (having now giving up trying to walk like a regular human), and sniffed the air, searching for trouble. Mabel's eyes scanned the woods, searching for shadows in the trees, something that she could hit with her hook. (Was it the best weapon? Probably not- but Grunkle Stan had already caught her trying to steal his brass knuckles several times and she didn't want to push it. She did make a mental note to herself, however, to bribe and/or blackmail Wendy into teaching her how to use an ax.)

The crunches got louder and closer. The three newfound family members braced for whatever was coming, when Ford suddenly got a little less tense and started making a few chuffing sounds. 

"What's he saying?" Mabel whispered to Dipper, regretful that she didn't get morse code. Before Dipper could translate, however, the crunches in the woods stopped. A gruff voice then called out, as in response to the chuffs. Ford stopped for a second, confused. 

"What'd they say?" ask Dipper, but Ford didn't reply, still staring intently into the woods, in the direction the voice came from. Suddenly, he started making more noises, louder this time. In response, the crunches got louder and fewer in between, signifying that whatever was making them was running towards their location. 

(Mabel vaguely wondered if this was all some trick, and moved in front of Dipper a bit.)

A man crashed into their clearing, a bit sweaty, wearing a beat up red jacket and- oh my god was that a mullet? But then her eyes traced to the face that the mullet was attached to, and recognized him instantly.

It was her Grunkle Stan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very aware of the gay bear jokes that can be made with this chapter surrounding Ford, so some notes on this:  
> 1\. yes Ford is gay  
> 2\. he's a twink tho. Like c'mon- the sweater vests? The trenchcoat? Like goddamn even the sideburns he's a twink. Trust me I'm a butch lesbian I know these things.  
> 3\. oh please dear god don't make any jokes that involve inc*st bc I stg that shit won't fly with me.


End file.
